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Show Me Don't Tell Me - by Roger Harris

How much would you pay for a toothbrush?

December 15th 2009 01:47

How often would you consider buying a minority item for your life. Maybe the item would be a toothbrush, for instance. How needy would you have to be to pay the highest price for a brush for your teeth?

How much would you like a toothbrush? Would you pay over a dollar and a half for a brush? Probably, right? How much would it be worth to you? Would you be willing to pay $10 for one toothbrush?

Maybe if it suited you better. Maybe a battery operated brush with a good styl.e? How about one the costing a thousand or even one which cost several thousand dollars?

Why not pay a few thousand dollars for one which had been used for a long time in the mouth of a famous person. An Elvis toothbrush would have more value than one which had been used in my own mouth. How much would you pay for Elvis toothbrush?

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Baked Beans

August 3rd 2009 00:02

: Baked Beans

Beans

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."

So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, and apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised. There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!

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Why there can't be a Pinoy President of USA

June 23rd 2009 04:56

: According to David Letterman

Top 10 Reasons Why There Couldn't Be a
Filipino-American US President by David Letterman

10. The White House is not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives.

9. There is not enough parking spaces at the White House for 2 Honda Civics, 2 Toyota Land Cruisers, 3 Toyota Corollas, Mercedes Benz, BMW (Big Mean Wife), and MPV (My Pinoy Van).

8. Dignitaries generally are intimidated by eating with fingers at State dinners.

7. There is too many dining rooms in the White House - where will they put the Last Supper picture?

6. The White House walls is not big enough to hold a set of giant wooden spoon and fork.

5. Secret Service staff won't respond to "pssst...pssst".

4. Secret Service staff are uncomfortable driving the Presidential car with a Holy Rosary hanging on the rear view mirror or having the statue of the Santo Nino on the dashboard.

3. No budget allocation to purchase karaoke machines in every White House room.

2. State dinners do not allow "Take Home".

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY THERE COULDN'T BE A FILIPINO-AMERICAN US PRESIDENT IS....

1. Air Force One does not allow overweight Balikbayan boxes!

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World Wide Web

June 13th 2009 01:08

: The World Wide Web

In 1990 the first successful trial run of the system which eventually became the World Wide Web was conducted. It would change our lives forever. Above is a photo of the first www setup.

Using concepts from earlier hypertext systems, the World Wide Web was started in 1989 by the English physicist Sir Tim Berners-Lee, now the Director of the World Wide Web Consortium, and later by Robert Cailliau, a Belgian computer scientist, while both were working at CERN in Geneva, Switzerland. In 1990, they proposed building a "web of nodes" storing "hypertext pages" viewed by "browsers" on a network, and released that web in December. Connected by the existing Internet, other websites were created, around the world, adding international standards for domain names & the HTML language. Since then, Berners-Lee has played an active role in guiding the development of Web standards (such as the markup languages in which Web pages are composed), and in recent years has advocated his vision of a Semantic Web.

The World Wide Web enabled the spread of information over the Internet through an easy-to-use and flexible format. It thus played an important role in popularizing use of the Internet. Although the two terms are sometimes conflated in popular use, World Wide Web is not synonymous with Internet. The Web is an application built on top of the Internet. (Information is from Wikipedia.)

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Study of Trade Show Displays

June 8th 2009 00:44

: I Enjoy Studying Trade Show Displays

I seldom miss trade shows when they come to my favorite mall. Besides the products they are featuring, I enjoy looking at how well the displays are put together and how effective they are in arousing interest.

Even companies on a small budget should use good trade show displays to focus on their products and services. Having nothing more than a representative for prospective clients seems like a significant waste of the cost of having a booth at the trade fair. A display that gets noticed is sometimes as effective as having a rep at the kiosk.

Of course, simply having a display is hardly sufficient. The quality of printing and the message on the printed materials is more important. The impact of the canvas printing should be positive and eye-catching. Color and quality of the image help draw attention to the booth and to the company's message.

Then, simply propping a poster against the wall is hardly professional. Good support of the well-designed display materials is another issue. The banner stands need to provide not only good support but need to be such that clients will not trip over them. The stands and accessories that help to present the display materials usually do not get much notice. They are, however, a vital part of any trade show display.

I watched as I went to a home decor trade show last weekend in one of the malls in town. Some companies had many prospective clients in their booths while others, usually those with poor display materials, had representatives just sitting and hoping someone would show interest in their products.

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Why parents drink

May 28th 2009 04:59

: Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to
'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he
opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad, she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people
that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a
report card That's in my center desk drawer.
Call me when it's safe to come home.

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When we age

May 16th 2009 02:04

: Age: You Can't Hide It

Most of us hate to get older. Still, in my mind, it is better than the alternative, which is to die younger. Look at some of your favorite people in BEFORE and AFTER shots.

Val Kilmer

Brendan Frazier

Russel Crowe

Richard Gere

Arnold Schwartzeneger

Clint Eastwood

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Why are tramps so dangerous?

April 21st 2009 04:40

: Do you know why...?

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234th Anniversary

April 18th 2009 03:56

: 234th Anniversary

Here is a poem I had to learn in high school, along with many others. Most were by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Today is the 234th anniversary of Paul Revere's famous ride.

Paul Revere's Ride (The Landlord's Tale)

Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in 'Seventy-five;
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, "If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry arch
Of the North Church tower as a signal light, --
One, if by land, and two, if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country folk to be up and to arm."

Then he said, "Good night!" and with muffled oar
Silently rowed to the Charlestown shore,
Just as the moon rose over the bay,
Where swinging wide at her moorings lay
The somerset, British man-of-war;
A phantom ship, with each mast and spar
Across the moon like a prison bar,
And a huge black hulk, that was magnified
By its own reflection in the tide.

Meanwhile, his friend, through alley and street,
Wanders and watches with eager ears,
Till in the silence around him he hears
The muster of men at the barrack door,
The sound of arms, and the tramp of feet,
And the measured tread of the grenadiers,
Marching down to their boats on the shore.

Then he climbed the tower of the Old North Church
By the wooden stairs, with stealthy tread,
To the belfry-chamber overhead,
And startled the pigeons from their perch
On the sombre rafters, that round him made
Masses and moving shapes of shade, --
By the trembling ladder, steep and tall,
To the highest window in the wall,
Where he paused to listen and look down
A moment on the roofs of the town,
And the moonlight flowing over all.

Beneath, in the churchyard, lay the dead,
In their night-encampment on the hill,
Wrapped in silence so deep and still
That he could hear, like a sentinel's tread,
The watchful night-wind, as it went
Creeping along from tent to tent,
And seeming to whisper, "All is well!"
A moment only he feels the spell
Of the place and the hour, and the secret dread
Of the lonely belfry and the dead;
For suddenly all his thoughts are bent
On a shadowy something far away,
Where the river widens to meet the bay, --
A line of black that bends and floats
On the rising tide, like a bridge of boats.

Meanwhile, impatient to mount and ride,
Booted and spurred, with a heavy stride,
On the opposite shore walked Paul Revere.
Now he patted his horse's side,
Now gazed at the landscape far and near,
Then, impetuous, stamped the earth,
And turned and tightened his saddle-girth;
But mostly he watched with eager search
The belfry-tower of the Old North Church,
As it rose above the graves on the hill,
Lonely and spectral and sombre and still.
And lo! As he looks, on the belfry's height
A glimmer, and then a gleam of light!
He springs to the saddle, the bridle he turns,
But lingers and gazes, till full on his sight
A second lamp in the belfry burns!

A hurry of hoofs in a village street,
A shape in the moonlight, a bulk in the dark,
And beneath, from the pebbles, in passing, a spark
Struck out by a steed flying fearless and fleet:
That was all! And yet, through the gloom and the light,
The fate of a nation was riding that night;
And the spark struck out by that steed, in his flight,
Kindled the land into flame with its heat.

He has left the village and mounted the steep,
And beneath him, tranquil and broad and deep,
Is the Mystic, meeting the ocean tides;
And under the alders, that skirt its edge,
Now soft on the sand, now loud on the ledge,
Is heard the tramp of his steed as he rides.

It was twelve by the village clock
When he crossed the bridge into Medford town.
He heard the crowing of the cock,
And the barking of the farmer's dog,
And felt the damp of the river fog,
That rises after the sun goes down.

It was one by the village clock
When he galloped into Lexington.
He saw the gilded weathercock
Swim in the moonlight as he passed,
And the meeting-house windows, blank and bare,
Gaze at him with a spectral glare,
As if they already stood aghast
At the bloody work they would look upon.

It was two by the village clock
When he came to the bridge in Concord town.
He heard the bleating of the flock,
And the twitter of birds among the trees,
And felt the breath of the morning breeze
Blowing over the meadows brown.
And one was safe and asleep in his bed
Who at the bridge would be first to fall,
Who that day would be lying dead,
Pierced by a British musket-ball.

You know the rest. In the books you have read,
How the British Regulars fired and fled, --
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
From behind each fence and farm-yard wall,
Chasing the redcoats down the lane,
Then crossing the fields to emerge again
Under the trees at the turn of the road,
And only pausing to fire and load.

So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night went his cry of alarm
To every Middlesex village and farm, --
A cry of defiance and not of fear,
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo forevermore!
For borne on the night-wind of the Past,
Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will waken and listen to hear
The hurrying hoof-beats of that steed
And the midnight message of Paul Revere.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Smile, please!!

April 8th 2009 23:42

: Please, smile!!!

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you
should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but
fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Gabor

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid
you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

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