Roger HarrisEver give away your self respect?
October 4th 2006 17:29
Ever do something “bad” for yourself, but in the end it works out to be a good thing?
Today’s post was going to be a list of the downside in getting divorced. I was writing out all the normal things we’ve all heard – standard of living goes down, hard to manage a house by yourself. …etc. Then I got stuck on the emotional impact of it. That so many people I’ve met through the years got divorced and then later questioned themselves.. did they try hard enough in their marriage? Did they give up too quickly? Did they put their own happiness above the best interest of their kids? blah blah blah.
Prior to my separation and even during my separation I tried to convince my ex husband many times why he in fact did want to be married, and that he was confused. I know this sounds crazy. It doesn’t just SOUND crazy, it is crazy. Cut me some slack, who wants their husband to leave them when they are pregnant? He left anyway – I was seven months pregnant. These days he likes to say I kicked him out. Ok. I gave him the choice to stay and stop that “shit” or leave. He left.
Anyway, back to my point. Oftentimes people wonder if they tried hard enough to make their marriage work.
One particular incident I remember – I was very close to my due date. I showed up at his apartment before he went to work and pleaded with him to reconsider the divorce. I was crying in the parking lot of his apartments. No, not teary eyed, not soft weeping. I was bawling. LOUD. Not to mention I was hugely pregnant… like ready to burst. It was terrible; I gave away every ounce of dignity I had.
And I still remember the cold look on his face.
That morning changed my heart. The memory of that look has gotten me through the times when he’s faced his regrets and questioned his choices. I have no doubt I deserve better. Funny how giving away any respect I had for myself that day has actually made me stronger in dealing with him.
Today’s post was going to be a list of the downside in getting divorced. I was writing out all the normal things we’ve all heard – standard of living goes down, hard to manage a house by yourself. …etc. Then I got stuck on the emotional impact of it. That so many people I’ve met through the years got divorced and then later questioned themselves.. did they try hard enough in their marriage? Did they give up too quickly? Did they put their own happiness above the best interest of their kids? blah blah blah.
Prior to my separation and even during my separation I tried to convince my ex husband many times why he in fact did want to be married, and that he was confused. I know this sounds crazy. It doesn’t just SOUND crazy, it is crazy. Cut me some slack, who wants their husband to leave them when they are pregnant? He left anyway – I was seven months pregnant. These days he likes to say I kicked him out. Ok. I gave him the choice to stay and stop that “shit” or leave. He left.
Anyway, back to my point. Oftentimes people wonder if they tried hard enough to make their marriage work.
One particular incident I remember – I was very close to my due date. I showed up at his apartment before he went to work and pleaded with him to reconsider the divorce. I was crying in the parking lot of his apartments. No, not teary eyed, not soft weeping. I was bawling. LOUD. Not to mention I was hugely pregnant… like ready to burst. It was terrible; I gave away every ounce of dignity I had.
And I still remember the cold look on his face.
That morning changed my heart. The memory of that look has gotten me through the times when he’s faced his regrets and questioned his choices. I have no doubt I deserve better. Funny how giving away any respect I had for myself that day has actually made me stronger in dealing with him.
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Comment by dreamersdance
Dreamer's Dance
Dreamer's Questions
Not so Baby's Bookshelf
Sigh - if only we could see ourselves now when we were suffering through then, right?
Comment by LauraP
Comment by K.L. Almeroth
Motherhood
To Laura,
A touching post...
There has been many a time in my life, where I have made a complete fool over myself for love...many times...I seem to fall in love at the drop of a hat! I fall in love with anything, for that matter!
So, yes, I've lost my self-respect plenty of times....
I'm married now, and it's not easy, this marriage business...I can really feel for you, what it must have been like, going through a seperation, while pregnant...
But, the romantic writer that I am, can romanticize the situation you went through, and completely admire, respect and even be a teeny bit jealous of the strong, independant woman you must be.
You are courageous and brave, to be bringing up kids without a husband. I admire you for that.
You've obviously got your self-respect and dignity back.
K.L.
Comment by LauraP
My romance is with myself.