Roger HarrisFriend Deficit
September 29th 2006 16:39
Often times after divorce people find themselves with almost no friends. Not only did they lost their partner but they may find themselves with less than a handful of friends.
1. During the demise of your marriage you secluded yourself from friends, devoting all of your energy to marriage.
2. Friends have divided loyalties. You will lose some.
3. Friends don’t know what to say to you – so they avoid the situation all together.
4. The spouses of married friends may feel threaten with your new single status. They don’t want their spouse getting ideas.
5. Divorce may follow shortly a movie to a new city (me)
What a tough time, because divorce is a time when we REALLY need friends.
Too often people jump into dating looking to solve this friend deficit. Men especially since their social networks are often aren’t as strong as women’s plus I think for many men it’s easier to talk about their feelings to women, then men. The problem is if that dating relationship doesn’t work, you are back to limited friends.
So how should you make these new, much needed friends? It’s time to start thinking like a single person. What interests you? How do you meet those people? .
The internet is a great resource. Start doing searches for these topics and enter the city where you live. You’ll be surprised what you find!
I joined several groups locally that were for parents of young children. I also volunteered at a few organizations. Trail and Error. Some things work, some don’t.
It’s also a good time to re-find yourself. Usually within marriage you’ve made some compromises. Some things that were part of you you’ve let go, for the sake of the family. In my case I got back in involved with running socially. Although I never stopped running, I ran alone for years to keep my time away from the home limited. Now I’m back to running with a local running group once week. And have also found a mom’s only running group.
I found it especially hard to figure out how to do all of this because I have my kids pretty much 100% of the time. Its important to think of yourself as more than a mom (or parent). It took me a while to figure ways around this, but I did.
Definitely, the best thing I’ve done for myself in the last few years if is rebuild my network of friends. These friends know me as who I am now. The do not think of me as “half” of my former relationship. My family (myself and kids) are a whole family in their eyes.
One last thing to remember, to make friends you have to be a friend.
1. During the demise of your marriage you secluded yourself from friends, devoting all of your energy to marriage.
2. Friends have divided loyalties. You will lose some.
3. Friends don’t know what to say to you – so they avoid the situation all together.
4. The spouses of married friends may feel threaten with your new single status. They don’t want their spouse getting ideas.
5. Divorce may follow shortly a movie to a new city (me)
What a tough time, because divorce is a time when we REALLY need friends.
Too often people jump into dating looking to solve this friend deficit. Men especially since their social networks are often aren’t as strong as women’s plus I think for many men it’s easier to talk about their feelings to women, then men. The problem is if that dating relationship doesn’t work, you are back to limited friends.
So how should you make these new, much needed friends? It’s time to start thinking like a single person. What interests you? How do you meet those people? .
The internet is a great resource. Start doing searches for these topics and enter the city where you live. You’ll be surprised what you find!
I joined several groups locally that were for parents of young children. I also volunteered at a few organizations. Trail and Error. Some things work, some don’t.
It’s also a good time to re-find yourself. Usually within marriage you’ve made some compromises. Some things that were part of you you’ve let go, for the sake of the family. In my case I got back in involved with running socially. Although I never stopped running, I ran alone for years to keep my time away from the home limited. Now I’m back to running with a local running group once week. And have also found a mom’s only running group.
I found it especially hard to figure out how to do all of this because I have my kids pretty much 100% of the time. Its important to think of yourself as more than a mom (or parent). It took me a while to figure ways around this, but I did.
Definitely, the best thing I’ve done for myself in the last few years if is rebuild my network of friends. These friends know me as who I am now. The do not think of me as “half” of my former relationship. My family (myself and kids) are a whole family in their eyes.
One last thing to remember, to make friends you have to be a friend.
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