Roger HarrisHumor from Famous People
July 28th 2008 01:02
"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' " -- Paula Poundstone
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache." -- Jack Mayberry
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh." -- Conan O'Brien
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." -- Rita Mae Brown
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population." -- David Letterman
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm half-way through my fish burger and I realize, "Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." -- Lynda Montgomery
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." -- Johnny Carson
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?" -- Lily Tomlin
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one??? Don't eat pork? God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?" -- Jon Stewart
"When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?" -- Robin Williams
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