Roger HarrisHurting People
September 25th 2006 16:10
Hurting People Hurt People.
When someone is hurting they often end up hurt others. It doesn’t happen on purpose, but when someone is hurting they are motivated to bandage their wounds the quickest and easiest way possible. Sometimes in doing this they disregard what’s right, what’s moral. Instead it’s what feels right… You can’t always trust your “feelings”. Quick fixes generally feel good.
Example 1 – my ex daycare lady. I loved her when I met her. I felt she was a perfect person to watch my son. She and I were a lot a like, calm, patient, not easily aggravated. I figured it was the perfect place for my son and would not require any sort of major adjustment to fit in there. At first it was great. She was a single mom with three teenaged boys. Looking back, she was desperate for a male role model for her boys. My ex husband spent a lot of time there. Too much. It’s actually embarrassing to admit how much. I asked her once to please just send my husband home. He’s avoiding his family and work by being there. I expected her to be sympathetic, being a divorcee and her kids not having a father around. I thought she would see the needs for MY CHILD to have HIS father there. Nope. She said something to the effect that its her son who invites him over. Not her. (Yeah, that makes sense - who’s in charge again?)
Example 2 – I found myself in a dating relationship a few months after my divorce was final. I was very tired and overworked. This person was very nice to me, and offered to help me in many ways. He was a good person to me. I needed HELP so badly. He wasn’t really my type – mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’m not saying anything bad about him; many women find him quite desirable, but just not someone I would normally date. I convinced myself I didn’t know what I liked anymore, I was just too screwed over from my divorce, I might as well give him a try – and hell he is being so nice to me. As time went on, my needs were less and less. I slowly got my situation together. Then my ex husband got back in touch with the kids and all the sudden I actually had a little down time – not often, but every now and then. My needs weren’t the same at all… and you know what? All the sudden this guy was much less appealing. I can’t believe I did it…. I hurt someone. Because my needs were overshadowing what was right. I didn’t mean to! I didn’t want to. That wasn’t my intent. It was this incident that helped me really understand this lesson.
Sometimes it’s hard to see these situations for what they are until after the fact. It’s hard to realize “oh wait, this is his issue. This isn’t about me.” And this hurt doesn’t define me. He OWNS that issue, not me.
Or in my case “this was MY issue. This was about my struggles.” I own this.
Damn.
When someone is hurting they often end up hurt others. It doesn’t happen on purpose, but when someone is hurting they are motivated to bandage their wounds the quickest and easiest way possible. Sometimes in doing this they disregard what’s right, what’s moral. Instead it’s what feels right… You can’t always trust your “feelings”. Quick fixes generally feel good.
Example 1 – my ex daycare lady. I loved her when I met her. I felt she was a perfect person to watch my son. She and I were a lot a like, calm, patient, not easily aggravated. I figured it was the perfect place for my son and would not require any sort of major adjustment to fit in there. At first it was great. She was a single mom with three teenaged boys. Looking back, she was desperate for a male role model for her boys. My ex husband spent a lot of time there. Too much. It’s actually embarrassing to admit how much. I asked her once to please just send my husband home. He’s avoiding his family and work by being there. I expected her to be sympathetic, being a divorcee and her kids not having a father around. I thought she would see the needs for MY CHILD to have HIS father there. Nope. She said something to the effect that its her son who invites him over. Not her. (Yeah, that makes sense - who’s in charge again?)
Example 2 – I found myself in a dating relationship a few months after my divorce was final. I was very tired and overworked. This person was very nice to me, and offered to help me in many ways. He was a good person to me. I needed HELP so badly. He wasn’t really my type – mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’m not saying anything bad about him; many women find him quite desirable, but just not someone I would normally date. I convinced myself I didn’t know what I liked anymore, I was just too screwed over from my divorce, I might as well give him a try – and hell he is being so nice to me. As time went on, my needs were less and less. I slowly got my situation together. Then my ex husband got back in touch with the kids and all the sudden I actually had a little down time – not often, but every now and then. My needs weren’t the same at all… and you know what? All the sudden this guy was much less appealing. I can’t believe I did it…. I hurt someone. Because my needs were overshadowing what was right. I didn’t mean to! I didn’t want to. That wasn’t my intent. It was this incident that helped me really understand this lesson.
Sometimes it’s hard to see these situations for what they are until after the fact. It’s hard to realize “oh wait, this is his issue. This isn’t about me.” And this hurt doesn’t define me. He OWNS that issue, not me.
Or in my case “this was MY issue. This was about my struggles.” I own this.
Damn.
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