Roger HarrisIt Happened Anyway
September 25th 2006 01:45
So despite my wishes, my husband left the house when I was seven months pregnant with a 22 month child to care for. I had to pull my child out of the home based daycare I was using, since that was where my husband was now staying. The few security things I had in this city we moved to for his job, were gone. My closest family was over 1000 miles away. I had no way to work if I had no daycare. I had no idea what to do. After a week of not working and not knowing what to do – I finally broke down and told my parents what was going on. My mother came to stay with me for a few months. In fact I gave birth with her in the room.
My ex husband and I were divorced in 10 months. He moved over 5 hours away, and was NO HELP with the kids. In fact he went close to a year without seeing the kids – he claims it was survival – it was too hard to see them. Too hard to see them?!!?
Too hard to see them?!!!! WHATEVER! LIke it's EASY to raise a newborn and a 2 year old by myself. That year was a very difficult one for me. The kids were both waking up at night – I was often up 5 and 6 times. Either nursing or just walking my oldest back to bed. Any time kids were sick, I had to take off of work. Any dr’s appointments I had to take off of work. Any repairs needed to done to the house, I had to take off work to be here. It’s amazing I kept my job that year. I broke down once because I had received some sort of notice at my house that I had to present to sign for a package. I called the delivery people in tears basically saying I can’t do that. There’s NO day that I can do that. There has got to be a way around me being present for this. Their alternative was that I could drive across town to their warehouse and pick it up myself. Did they NOT understand how limited my time was? No, they didn’t. In fact no one did.
I joked for a year I was running completely on caffeine and adrenaline. I guess I should have included the antidepressants too, but I don't think people would have known how to react to that!
Unless you’ve had sole custody and care for such young children by yourself you have no idea what it’s like. Many things said innocently to me at that time would aggravate me.
I was completely scared and felt very vulnerable, but MAINLY, more than anything, I was running on empty. Trying to cram two people’s work of running house into my life was really really tiring, and I was getting NO SLEEP.
How do you mow your lawn with a newborn and a two year old? How do you change your air filter in the attic? Fix those boards on the fence? How do you even make friends when the idea of taking 2 kids in diapers (not to mention one still nuring) out is completely overwhelming!?
In that year I had a lot of time to think. Obviously my new born wasnt' talking, my 2 year old wasn't really talking much either. a lot of my time was spent with my thoughts. I started a journal. This journal, years later, is to share what I've learned during that time.
My blog is not one of tragedy, heart break or even of a “horrible” ex husband. Its to share the wonderful life I have now. The path I walked to get to where I’m at. I can truly say I’m MUCH happier now than before. I have had some really difficult times. I have struggled with anger, hurt, betrayal. My first few posts I wanted to make sure it was clear, our divorce was not one where we met over lunch and agreed it wasn't working. I wasn't prepared. I didn't want this. But it hapened anyway.
Back to those Green Day lyrics - Good Riddance:
“So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.”
I heard that song for years, never thought much of it. One day, it hit me. It was about me.
My ex husband and I were divorced in 10 months. He moved over 5 hours away, and was NO HELP with the kids. In fact he went close to a year without seeing the kids – he claims it was survival – it was too hard to see them. Too hard to see them?!!?
Too hard to see them?!!!! WHATEVER! LIke it's EASY to raise a newborn and a 2 year old by myself. That year was a very difficult one for me. The kids were both waking up at night – I was often up 5 and 6 times. Either nursing or just walking my oldest back to bed. Any time kids were sick, I had to take off of work. Any dr’s appointments I had to take off of work. Any repairs needed to done to the house, I had to take off work to be here. It’s amazing I kept my job that year. I broke down once because I had received some sort of notice at my house that I had to present to sign for a package. I called the delivery people in tears basically saying I can’t do that. There’s NO day that I can do that. There has got to be a way around me being present for this. Their alternative was that I could drive across town to their warehouse and pick it up myself. Did they NOT understand how limited my time was? No, they didn’t. In fact no one did.
I joked for a year I was running completely on caffeine and adrenaline. I guess I should have included the antidepressants too, but I don't think people would have known how to react to that!
Unless you’ve had sole custody and care for such young children by yourself you have no idea what it’s like. Many things said innocently to me at that time would aggravate me.
I was completely scared and felt very vulnerable, but MAINLY, more than anything, I was running on empty. Trying to cram two people’s work of running house into my life was really really tiring, and I was getting NO SLEEP.
How do you mow your lawn with a newborn and a two year old? How do you change your air filter in the attic? Fix those boards on the fence? How do you even make friends when the idea of taking 2 kids in diapers (not to mention one still nuring) out is completely overwhelming!?
In that year I had a lot of time to think. Obviously my new born wasnt' talking, my 2 year old wasn't really talking much either. a lot of my time was spent with my thoughts. I started a journal. This journal, years later, is to share what I've learned during that time.
My blog is not one of tragedy, heart break or even of a “horrible” ex husband. Its to share the wonderful life I have now. The path I walked to get to where I’m at. I can truly say I’m MUCH happier now than before. I have had some really difficult times. I have struggled with anger, hurt, betrayal. My first few posts I wanted to make sure it was clear, our divorce was not one where we met over lunch and agreed it wasn't working. I wasn't prepared. I didn't want this. But it hapened anyway.
Back to those Green Day lyrics - Good Riddance:
“So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.”
I heard that song for years, never thought much of it. One day, it hit me. It was about me.
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Comment by LauraP
RC - I don't think I lashed out at other people so much, but I would be PISSED at times on the inside. Lashing out would have requried effort.