Roger HarrisSmile, please!!
April 8th 2009 23:42
:
Please, smile!!!
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you
should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Gabor
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant
- Spike Milligan
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
my nap.
- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid
you.
- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
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